Welcome to www.SiennasWings.com. This web site was built to create community, awareness and support for all of those affected by miscarriage and stillbirth. 1 in 4 babies conceived will pass. It is an alarming statistic that is not talked about much. I am that 1 in 4. I gave birth to an angel baby and I do not want her death to be in vain or forgotten. I want to use the strength I feel from her presence to help others and bring people together so you do not have to be alone in your grief and sadness. Here is my story.
The Day we held an Angel
In order to fully understand our loss, I would like to first share the moment we realized we had it all!! On November 15th I walked out of my bathroom, at a loss for words, and barely able to stay conscious long enough to tell my husband that the pregnancy test I had secretly taken….was POSITIVE! In fact, I couldn’t even get words out of my mouth, I simply handed him the pregnancy test, silently sat on the kitchen floor where he was making dinner, and tried to find the appropriate words! It took a while for either of us to say anything, but when I did all that came out of my mouth was “Oh my gosh, I don’t want to poop on the delivery table!!(a silly fear of mine lol) In all seriousness, we were thrilled, scared, excited, nervous, pretty much every emotion imaginable. For so many years doctors had told me that I may not be able to have children due to my endometriosis. The news of my pregnancy was shocking in more than one way.
Fast forward to 8 months later. I had an overall smooth pregnancy. By the 7th month of my pregnancy the nursery was done, the house was organized and clean (after weeks of nesting!) and we were ready for our baby girl!! On June 7th I began contracting. I went into the Labor and Delivery unit. They checked me and baby and after no progress sent me home. Three days later, on a Saturday, the pain became stronger so my husband, Jeffrey, and I went into the hospital, again. This time my contractions were regular and strong and I had progressed from 0 to 4 in 2 hours. It was decided that I should be admitted. I was given lots (I mean lots) of IV fluid, steroid shots to help Sienna’s lungs, and all the information we needed about delivering an early baby (since I was only 34 weeks). We felt ready and excited to meet our baby girl! Both of our families had come to the hospital and we were all camping out in my room eating food (in true Portuguese/Japanese fashion), discussing and laughing about all sorts of inappropriate delivery stories, taking guesses about what she would look like, and ultimately just anticipating our baby girls arrival!! After no progress beyond 4cm, I was sent home the following morning. I was still contracting regularly but they were no longer creating progress. I was so disappointed, I wanted so bad to meet and hold my baby, but on the other hand it was still early and I wanted my baby to be healthy.
That Wednesday (3 days after being discharged) I went in for a follow up appointment. We heard Sienna’s heartbeat and saw her active little self. Everything looked good. I had progressed half a centimeter and I had effaced to 60%. My contractions were still strong and regular however, to my surprise, the doctor sent me home and not to L&D. The following day, on June 15th I had an eerie feeling and different sort of pain. My mother and I rushed to the hospital. When we got there it took the nurse 15 minutes of trying to find the heartbeat before she went and got the doctor who confirmed our WORST fear with 4 words…”There is no heartbeat”. My heart sank. I couldn’t believe what we had just heard.
On June 16th, after 14 hours of active labor, I delivered my 6lb 12oz sleeping angel. It was possibly the hardest thing I believe I’ll ever have to do; pushing through and delivering my baby knowing she would be lifeless, was unimaginable. She was perfect in every way. We are agreed that she was just far too perfect for earth! Though we miss her more than words could accurately describe, we are comforted to know that our sweet little angel is in heaven, watching over us, and untouched by this harsh and cold world!
HOW YOU CAN HELP
Everyone is affected by these statistics and we want to help. We are currently in the works, organizing a 5k run/walk in the Spring of 2018 to raise money to create gift baskets for those mothers leaving the hospital with empty hands. We are also setting up a scholarship in Siennsa name as well as donating money to centers that help with grief counseling. We need and would love your help. We are currently forming an interest list so we can keep you up to date with what’s next and what you can do to help. Please fill out the form below to be added to this list. Thank you in advance for your support.
After the loss of my daughter I went online and to pinterest to find quotes and hoping to see something that would bring me comfort. I learned the statistic that 1 in 4 babies were lost which rang especially true for me, but besides a few quotes I could not find any imagery that gave me comfort. My 3 best friends were pregnant with me. Throughout the pregnancy we would dream of birthday parties together, what they would be, and how they would all be best friends too. However, I am now that 1 in 4. My friends graciously accepted when I asked them if they would do a photoshoot with me to physically show this alarming and sad statistic. The shoot was real and raw and my prayer is for you to know that in the depths of your grief, you are not alone.
I would love to hear from you. Feel free to send me an email to Info@Siennaswings.com or use the form below.